


Barden Bellas

by mprntma



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-05-26 23:09:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15011432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mprntma/pseuds/mprntma
Summary: Let's show some little adventures our lovely Bella's had when they were at Barden University.I write about feelings, stuff that happened to me - or people I know - in the past. Genuinely interested in what you think about it, and what you want to read. If you have prompts, don't hesitate.Ps: Rating might change over the chapters.





	1. Comfort

When a short but light knock came at the door, the redhead looked up from her philosophy book to see Beca's head appears.

"Hey Chlo, come downstairs, the girls want to see _Titanic_..", she said with a smirk "..again."

The ginger forced a small smile before saying. "Thank you but not tonight, Bec"

"Chloe Beale saying no to _Titanic_? Oh my god, what's happening? The world is falling apart?" she said with light sarcasm in her voice and her brows furrowed.

"You know Beca when you have those moments when you don't want to see or talk to anybody? Well, that's my moment, so please go enjoy the movie and let me some alone time" she said without looking at the girl in front of her. She couldn't really deal with anything right now, and she knew it was Beca's usual humor. But she was just not in the mood to make efforts.

Beca with a little taken aback, she didn't want to upset the girl even more so she let it go saying. "Oh..ok, well tell me if you need anything." before walking out of the room.

Chloe let out a loud sigh before closing her book and throwing it on her bed. She just wanted this day to be over.

-

After a good 30 minutes since the movie has started, the brunette couldn't focus. And it was not on the fact that she was forced to watch it, or the fact that unfortunately because of the amongst of times she already watched the movie and probably knew it by heart. But about the little interaction with the redhead earlier. She didn't want to upset the girl, but she was feeling guilty for some reasons. She had seemed a little upset or sad, and maybe when she came to her she was a little clumsy, not really choosing the right words. She was now feeling guilty for that. 

She had developed a massive crush on the girl over the years, and she was very well aware of that. She wasn't just really ready to make a move or say it out loud. She needed a little more time before facing the reality that maybe she could lose her best friend if the truth comes out. She had talked about it during a very drunk state with Jesse, he tried to give her the best advice. Though, she decided on the better to wait, for now. So seeing her upset like that bothered her, a lot. She grabbed a bag full of M&M's and headed upstairs, she just wanted to show her she was here if needed. She knocked lightly on the door and entered before getting an answer but when she saw Chloe's face streamed by tears looking at her phone, she rushed on the bed. Sitting in front of her and pulled her into a tight hug.

At the second the redhead was pulled into the embrace, she burst into tears. That wasn't particularly from sadness or anger. That just felt really good to see that she had someone to be here for her, to hold her in the tough times. Someone to rely on. She didn't cry like that since a long time ago, she just needed to let all that good. That day has been a little too much.

A light sound coming from Chloe's phone made Beca frowned but when she realized it was Chloe's music, _Gone by  Phlake_ , it made her smile a little. Both women had that in common, music calms their nerves. And last month, when Beca was having her period-breakdown, she was listening to that song non-stop, and the redhead immediately fell in love with it. She made them swing a little with the tempo of the song until the sob calmed. Clearly, the girl was not fine, she wanted to show her that she was here but not push her to do anything that would make her uncomfortable. So when the ginger calmed down and pulled away from the embrace, Beca grabbed the bag of sweets and said

"M&M's?" with a light tone.

Chloe didn't respond, but, with a sniff, she grabbed a few in her hand. She kept her look on the sweets in her hand and after a long minute and a long breath, she said.

"My parents are getting a divorce.", she whispered.

Beca didn't respond, letting the girl getting, what she needed, out of her chest.

"And I know that they are not doing it to hurt me or my brother, it's not about us. But it's just I never, in my life, assumed it would happen to us. Not before my mom called today and... She is asking the divorce and I found it pretty selfish to do that because...My dad is sick and-... I don't know. It's just-" she cut herself before crying again and let out a breath to call down.

Beca let a few seconds, settling more comfortably in front of the girl on Chloe's bed, taking her hand and looking at her with a soft smile.

"When my parents divorced, I immediately thought that my dad was a coward to let my mother down and walk away from her by asking the divorce. I thought, he was just doing that to hurt us-her. They made a lot of mistakes together but I never thought in my life he would be able to do that. And over the years, and a long conversation with my mom, I realized he wasn't a coward. He was actually the brave one. Admitting the truth and taking a decision to a remedy for the pain. They have been sad, not because of the other, but because no matter what they did try to fix this marriage, it wasn't working. My dad was seeing my mom, the woman he was supposed to protect, becoming more and more tired of fighting over something so painful. My dad was just doing his job by saying that it was maybe the time to let it go and he knew it was for the best. A marriage is tough because, for the rest of your life, you link to that person. You don't think as an individual anymore but as a duo. And it is even harder when you have kids. It makes everything even more complicated. Because, if they take a decision like that, they thought about you two, what would you think? Or feel? So if they take that decision, it means that they are sure it is the right decision to make. That the fight is over and they need to let it go. Realizing that is painful for them. And when you are a kid, realizing that is even tougher because you always assume your parents are soulmates, might to be together forever. You are hurt and sad for them, but they are doing that for them. For their happiness. Because they have raised two incredible children, accomplished human-being. It's time to think about them, what they really need. To be happy.  And to find that, it's for the best to go on with separate ways. Because sometimes, fighting over something is more hurtful than to let it go. So if they are doing it, it really is because they need that. It is for their happiness you know. I get that, as their daughter, it is hard. But think that, it is even harder for them. And they do need your support on that, Chlo. And in any way, at all, that means they are letting you and your brother down. They love you, they are just doing that for them." she said with a soft voice.

The redhead was looking at her with a stern face, tears rolling slowly on her face and for a tight second, Beca thought she had said a mistake. Maybe it wasn't the right words. But before she could say anything else, a tight whisper came from Chloe "Thank you"

Beca smiled softly at her and said "Don't shut your mom down, talk to her and to your dad. It will make it easier for you to get what is happening and for them to have support."

Chloe let a small smile appears on her face, she looked at her hands toying the sweets before looking up true her eyelashes and saying. "Who would have known that Beca Mitchell could be that wise, ugh?"

Beca let out a light chuckle, saying "I will take that as a compliment".

Chloe smiled softly, looking at her. "I am sorry for cutting you off earlier"

"No big deal Chlo, don't worry"

Chloe leaned forward to give the girl a soft but long kiss on the cheek, only pulling away from her a little to whisper "Thank you Bec" and gave her one last kiss.

The huge blush on Beca's cheeks didn't go unnoticed by Chloe who smiled even more at that.

_God, the girl was cute._


	2. Life changing thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really happy about it, so tell me what you thing.

The girl walked into her apartment with a long and loud sigh. It has been the longest day and probably the most awful. It started when she got late because of this fucking metro broke down between two stations. Which made her very much late for that very important meeting with her boss. He was ready to give her a promotion but getting 45 min late at work was not a good impression. Thankfully, he knew Beca and how much she was implied in her work so he just made a 20 min very very long speech about how punctuality was important, and that is all. But after that, it was like the universe was against her. Just little small stuff happened all day long. The printer completely broke down when she had to give back her boss her report. Then after that, she is sure she burned her hand to the second degree when she spills her coffee. And on top of that, she got into a fight with her dad about Thanksgiving. She knew she was kind of a little over the top about it, he was just sad because she was not coming home for Thanksgiving. But the brunette just wanted to have a year away from family problems. And when she heard about the fact that her roommate couldn't come home, she wanted to stay with her.

It has been two years now that the to girls was living together. After graduation, they didn't see themselves living away from each other. So when the brunette got offered a job in New York City, she only thought about Chloe. Her best friend of 8 years. 2 years of living together. 1 year and a half being extremely in love with the redhead. But that was just a little detail.

And well, her Australian best friend was, too, part of the adventure, but that was fine. At least, she cooked pretty well.

So maybe she was just over the top about it, but he will understand.

But that wasn't the worst news. The worst news was to learn that she was pregnant.

The universe was really against her. Because after 2 years of living in New York, she only had sex once. One fucking time and she got pregnant. The guy didn't matter to her, she just wanted to loosen up a little bit and have fun. After a night DJ-ing, she met that guy, Ryan... or maybe Dan. She didn't even remember his name. He was nice and funny but it was just a one-time thing. Nothing more. But the three pregnancy test and the one hour crying in your job's bathroom proved her wrong.

_A one-time thing that became a life-changing thing._

And the thing is that she has no fucking idea of what to do. Was she supposed to keep it? It was not her plan. She was at the beginning of her career and a baby... A baby was not really compatible with that. She was totally freaked out about this all situation.

And the funny thing is that, yesterday during a one-to-one night with Chloe, she finally found the guts to act on her feelings and kiss her one-year-crush. An irony, right? Because of the moment, she could finally be happy with the person she desperately wanted to be. The world told her to fuck off.

So right now, she was freaking out. Pissed off. She wanted one thing, to curl up in bed and cry herself to sleep. But that couldn't happen because her roommate was supposed to be home in a minute. Friday night was a night out for Amy, so it was pretty much all the time just the two of them.

Checking her clock. 05:47 P.M. It gave her around 13 minutes before Chloe was supposed to come home and she had no fucking idea of what to do.

She sat on the fold-out bed staring blankly at the apartment. What was going to happen? She could just run away. Buy a car and raise the child without anyone to know. Or even better, she could change the country. Go to France and raise him or her there. Or Belize. Belize was a nice country. That would be cool.  Of course, she would let anyone know about it and just change her identity. Oh, and what about the father? Was she supposed to tell him? Based on the fact that she doesn't have any way to contact him, that would be a tough thing to do. And what about Chloe? What was she supposed to tell her? What was she supposed to do with all that?

Her brain-wrecking-inner monologue was soon stopped by the nose of heels in the hallway and right after that, key's noises.

Here we go.

"Oh my god, it has been the longest day ever! Of course, they choose to put all the hard class on the same day. They really got nerves you know, I am exhausted, it was insane today, you have no idea how..." said the redhead as she walked into the apartment. The brunette was sat on the fold-out bed watching her roommate (girlfriend?) get rid of her coat and the 4 very full groceries bag. It was like the scene was going on slow motion in front of her. What has she done? How was she supposed to break the news and wreck that beautiful bubble they were in? 

Over the years, the redhead has become the most important thing in Beca's life. She became her rock, her kinda only real family. And she was supposed to say goodbye to that because of one single fucking mistake. They weren't even together yet. They didn't discuss this all-new thing that was happening. It was new and fresh, it happened sweetly and unexpectedly. But for Beca, that was everything because it was Chloe. Chloe was her everything. But there was no way, Chloe would be ready to commit to a relationship when a baby would come in 9 months. She will run away fast from Beca and leave her alone. And she was not ready for that. She didn't want to be ready for that. Because she loved Chloe. She knew it. She wanted to commit to a relationship with her. Not a baby.

She didn't realize the redhead was looking at her and asking something. Her slightly louder voice got her back to reality. "Beca?"

"Huh?" she looked up to her, saying it with a low voice.

Chloe had her brows furrowed in confusion. "Are you okay? You seem a little off." She walked closer to Beca, scared about a possible bad news that came out. 

Beca opened and closed her mouth a few times, she tried to say something but the words were caught up in her throats, before shaking her head. She didn't know what to do. And without even realizing it, she said it, out loud.

"I'm pregnant," she said with a tight voice.

"What?" she said with a chuckle.

"I am pregnant, Chloe."

And that was like, that single little sentence stopped everything in the room. Because each girl was actually assimilating the news. The brunette was breaking the news to Chloe, but more of that, she was realizing the news. Saying it out loud made it real. Very real.   
  
That was it, she was having a baby.

The two was just staring at each other when the deathly silence was broken by the Australian roommate who came home.

"Holà, aca-bitches! Don't worry, I am not here for long, just taking spare panties for the night!"

At first, Amy didn't notice what was happening in front of her, until she had grabbed what she needed and was heading for the exit when she noticed the two girls staring at each other.

"What's happening over here? Looks like you saw a ghost," she said chewing a gum standing between the two girls.

The voice got Chloe back to reality. She looked up to her friend Amy and said a lost voice. "I gotta- I gotta go."

She grabbed her purse and left the apartment without a word.

"What's happening?" said Amy with a more confused voice.

"Don't worry Amy, it's nothing. Go out, have fun," said Beca not looking at her.

"You sure? You don't seem fine-"

"I am fine, go out," she said with a soft but lost voice.

"Ok... Call me if you need me."

And with that, Beca was alone in their tiny apartment in the big city.

\---

It was almost midnight when Beca checked the time. She had no news from her roommate/best friend since 6 p.m and she was getting a little worried. She has spent the night sat on their shared fold-out bet listening to music trying to clear her thoughts. Not successful by the way. She had taken a shower, put on PJ's, put the groceries away and just sat here. Waiting and thinking.

She was scared the redhead would run away. I mean, let's be honest for a little minute. Being 24 years old, not having a stable job, living in a city where booze is more current than water and getting pregnant, is not really ideal. Who would sign up for that, honestly? Chloe was young, beautiful, smart and she had all her life in front of her. She was not going to commit to that. A single, desperate future mom.

But does that mean she wanted to be a mom? As much as she didn't see herself getting an abortion, she didn't see herself as a mom either.

Wow, a mom. She was going to be a mom.

On the thought of that, she started to freak out even more than she already was. Tears of fear, anger, and sadness were rolling down her face freely when she heard noises coming from the hallway. Heels. Keys. Ok. She dried her face with her sleeves and got ready for what was happening.

She looked at the redhead going inside the apartment without a look. She removed her coat and put it on the coatrack. She removed her heels and put a single bag on the kitchen table. She was standing with her back on the brunette when she took a deep long breath before turning around to face her.

Beca was looking at her with a vulnerable look on her face. Waiting for any sign from the redhead, none coming.

"You are pregnant?"

Beca just slowly nodded.

"How-When... When did you know?"

"Today."

"And when did that happened?"  
  
"Last month"

"What... Do you want to do?"

"I don't know"

In Chloe's head, everything was in process. She was just trying to be able to swallow everything, and she had spent 6 hours trying to do so. She always saw herself as a mom. She knew since she was 5, she wanted kids. She wanted to be a mom, she knew it. But she didn't see herself having a child so young. She didn't know if Beca wanted her in the situation because even if they had kissed. It didn't mean they were together, and even more if they were for a baby. A _baby,_ for crying out loud. After discovering her sexuality, she didn't see that coming by accident. Definitely not.

But after a good 3 hours walk around the street of New York, she came to a certain realization. Beca and she were acting like a couple since they met each other. The kiss that happened yesterday was just the fulfillment of what has been happening for 8 years. They loved each other, they knew it even if it was not something that was said out loud. And she wanted Beca. She wanted to be with her. She didn't want to be anywhere but with her. That was it. Beca was it and she knew it. Beca became over the years her only bearings in her life. After her father's death, Beca has been the one to hold her during the crying nights. She had been the one take her to an education counseling appointment. She was the one who jumps for joy when she told her she finally found something she wanted to do. She was the one to congratulate her when she got into law school. She was the one who came with her to her brother's engagement party. She was the one in every situation because she never let her down. She was the one. Beca was one true love. And the thing is, Chloe likes everyone but she never fell in love. She has never been in love with someone. Not until Beca. She was the exception.

And she would do anything for Beca.

So, that's what brings her back here. In their crappy tiny apartment in the middle of Brooklyn.

She grabbed the bag on the kitchen table, walked to the fold-out bed and sat carefully next to Beca. Not touching her but close enough to make her feel that she was here.

She put the bag on Beca's lap, took a deep breath and said.

"Ok... so, I know yesterday was like...our first kiss. We are not even together and that- well that is a huge thing. We are not together and you are having a baby... I have no idea of what you want to do about it. But I want you to know that I am here. Whatever you choose, I am in this. If you want me in this, if you choose to keep it, I will support you and be here for you. Because...well Beca... I am in love with you.. and-and-I doesn't...don't want you anywhere but with me." she said with a lost kind of vulnerable voice. She was nervously fidgeting the hem of the plaid that was on Beca's lap. "So...yup I... uh... open the bag, please."

Beca carefully opens the bag, there was a white cartoon box in it. Her hands were a little shaky when she opened the box. There was two white wool bootee in the box, which Beca took carefully in her hands. That was one of the cutest gesture someone has ever done. And even if Beca was not really into that kind of stuff, it was Chloe. And that was everything to her.

"You are in?" said Beca with a tight voice.

"I do," she said with a tender smile.

She leaned forward to give her tender teary kiss on the lips and whispered.  
  
"I love you too."


	3. Don't go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted that story on fanfiction.net. Pretty sad, sorry. Sorry if there are any mistakes

It was around midnight when she came home. She was exhausted from the day she just had. Her boss has been a jerk all day, she couldn't come up with a good mix and tomorrow, the love of her life is getting married. With someone else.

It has been a month since she has heard the great news. Chloe Beale and Tom Dawson are getting married. And that broke her heart. She knew the redhead has been back with the boy a little before graduation. He came up to Bella's house, all sweet and kind. Saying he was sorry for acting like he didn't feel anything. But he did, apparently. He came with a rose and he wanting her back. He said he was ready to commit to her and she believed him. He said he loved her, and she believed him. Chloe felt in his arms and they got back together and now, it has been two years since they were together. She was happy and seemed in love. And when he proposed to her, she was "over the moon feeling like a princess".

But all of that, Beca didn't know it from the redhead in person, but from her best friend Stacie.

After the fight they had at the boot camp, things have been different, Chloe acted differently. So they drifted apart. After the Worlds, they barely saw each other unless it was with the others Bellas and after graduation, they didn't see each other at all. Sometimes, Beca would make the first move and texted her, but the conversation didn't last long. And that was that very good moment when Beca missed Chloe as hell, she realized the real nature of her feelings.

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

She realized how much she loved the woman. How bad she missed her. How hard it was to breathe without her. How lonely and sad she felt without her. How hurting it was to think about the fact that she probably never would have the opportunity to hold her again. How empty she felt when- all the time, actually. How hard she wanted to scream to the world.   
She thought about all the memories she had with the woman. And even more, it broke her.

But she couldn't think about that. She couldn't let herself suffer. She couldn't let herself feel. So she shut herself down from all the thoughts and the feelings. Because if she does, she might never recover from the breakdown. She would never be hers, anyway.

The only thought she was focusing on right now, was the warm shower she could take when she would be home. She pushed the buttons for the 5th floor sighing deeply. Stepping outside of the elevator, she looked for her keys in her purse but once again, the very-organized Beca Mitchell, couldn't find her keys. She headed to her apartment, head buried in her purse in search for her keys. She didn't realize the seated woman on the floor until her feet hit something. She looked up from her purse and down to the floor, now aware of the seated crying lady on the floor. And right away, she recognized the piercing blue eyes and the fiery red hair.

Chloe. she said above a painful whisper.

The redhead stood up, she had wet messy hair, dressed in sweats pants and a large hoodie with red puffy eyes clearly showing that she had been crying. She didn't see the woman for two years, she looked like a real mess, but she still thought she was the most beautiful woman on earth. She still found her breathtaking.

Trying to gain a little confidence, Beca said. "What- What are you doing here? It's almost midnight and-"

"I hate you," Chloe said cutting Beca off. The words hit her full force, she was expecting anything but that.

Almost like a whisper, she said. "What?"

Anger and sadness became too much for the redhead and she let everything go away.

" You. I hate you. Because for years, I have been madly crazy in love with you. I have felt it for years and thought that- I was so dumb falling for my best friend. So I ran away! From you! Because I couldn't stand being around you, just being your friend. Not being able to show you how much I care about you. How much I love you. How bad I want you. And when Tom came back, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to move on and forget about you. To not feel anything for the incredible, amazing person you are. And I really thought it would work. I thought I was happy, I thought I was in love with him. I thought I was done with you. But guess what? I am not! Every single day, the more I try to bury my feelings even more, the more it comes back full force. Every single day, you are here.. in my mind! And it makes me realize, I don't want you in my mind! I don't want you in my life because I can't have you in it. And tomorrow is... It is my big day, tomorrow is my fucking wedding and the only thing I have in mind is you! And you know, Tom... He is- He is kind and funny, and smart! He makes me happy and feels cared for and loved! He really loves me you know? I should be thinking about what am I gonna wear during my honeymoon? But I can't! Because I can only think of you. And- And I know it is not gonna work out because I love you! I am so in love with you! I tried so hard to mash it down and ignore it and not say it! But I can't because I feel like you are in me! You are like a disease. It's like I am infected by Beca Mitchell! So yes, yes I hate you! I hate you for being here even when I don't want you to! I hate that I keep thinking of you. I hate that I still have photos of you and us on my phone and that I spend hours watching them! I hate the fact that the only thing I can think of when I try to fell asleep, is you. I hate that you are not around! I hate that when I think about you, it makes me smile and hurt so badly! I hate the fact that I love you when I should love him! I hate that I still love you so badly even after all these years! I hate even more that I don't hate you, not even a little bit!" she said without stopping even if she was in floods of tears.

"Chloe I-"

"No! No! Don't say anything because it will hurt even more! It hurts so bad that I don't have you in my life anymore! It hurts so bad that I am not able to move on from you! It hurts so bad that I love you so much! It hurts so bad that I can't breathe without you! I can't sleep! I can't eat! I can anything without you! I -".

She stopped talking because of the hard breathing and she almost falls down to the ground until Beca caught her. She held her tight, crying badly from the revelation. She couldn't believe it and she was too, close to the breakdown.

"I-I miss you so much Beca, I can't- I can't do it without you," she said crying even more in her arms. It was too much, too fierce, too hurtful.

"I am here Chlo, I am not going anywhere. I promise. I am here." she whispered.


	4. Secret bubble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To our little-hidden place. Will never forget about you.

It has been 4 days that Beca was sick. She had a pretty bad flu and luckily, Chloe is on a holiday to take care of her. 

Luckily, growing up with a big family has its benefits for Chloe, she doesn't get sick easily. So the other Australian roommate ran fast away from the "sick zombie puppy" and let them together because "you take care of her, that is your role."

  
And well, let's say it. Take care of drunk Beca, it's funny. But sick Beca? It is hilarious. It is like taking care of a lost puppy on drugs. She doesn't speak a lot but has an incredible need to be cuddled. And the fact that Beca is always cold and in need of a hug, she follows Chloe everywhere being glued to her for warms. She is like in a non-normal needs and gives of tenderness. And the redhead is thrilled about that. It has been 4 months now that they are together and Chloe take her girlfriend/nurse role very seriously. It would be super sexy in some situation, but now, it is beyond cute. 

Beca in a relationship is way different than Beca as her best friend. Girlfriend Beca is soft, sweet, affectionate. She needs and gives a lot. The soft words, kisses, touches. Everything about girlfriend Beca is full of _love_. At least, that is what Chloe is convinced of. Because they didn't say it out loud, yet. But she feels it all the time. And she is okay with that for now because, even if Beca doesn't say it, she shows it. And Chloe is not really ready to say it out loud, because she feels it is too new, too beautiful, too perfect. They don't need words for now, because she feels it. At some point, they will and that would be beautiful because the two of them will feel it. But for now, their _little soft bubble_ is so so perfect.

  
It is 8 a.m when Chloe wakes up to the soft snores of her still sleeping girlfriend next to her. She has, like every night, rolled up to glue herself to the redhead in search of warms. Not that she is complaining, not a single bit. She carefully takes off the heavy arm draped on her mid-section to make coffee for the two of them. While making coffee and breakfast, she softly starts to hum _Honey_ by Khelani, that was her go-to song nowadays, she couldn't stop listening to it and it really got into her head.   
  
She is so into her own bubble, she hasn't noticed the brunette slowly stirring in her bed next to the kitchen. Waking up to the soft girlfriend's voice might be the best thing in the entire world for the brunette. It is way better than waking to the brutal alarm's noises. Even more in those days, she has been sick for 4 days, her head is always killing her, the dizzy feeling, the feeling of being unable to do anything with her body. She hates it. But that, it is making everything better.   
  
The sun streaming between the curtains lightning Chloe's hair which makes it looks almost like gold. She is only wearing a wide large white t-shirt in the middle of the tiny kitchen. That scene should be painted, the lights, the colors, Chloe. The scene is almost surreal. Beca can't even believe she has the luck to wake up to that.   
  
She slowly gets up and walks to the kitchen, on the way putting on her glasses. _Don't make that headache worse than it already is_ , she thinks.   
  
" 'Morning," she says softly to Chloe.

Looking up at her girlfriend, Chloe gives her a soft smile. " You should stay in bed, I was going to give you your coffee."   
  
" 's fine, don't worry. I am feeling a little better."  
  
"Really?"

"No, but doesn't matter."

Chloe is finishing cooking the breakfast for the two, while Beca stands still next to her following with her gaze every movement she does. Amazed by the girl next to her, almost like art was happening next to her. She always feels that way with Chloe. Crazy how love makes you feel. Beca has realized a little while ago that, all the things she feels, it is love. She is actually crazy in love with Chloe. Which makes her adore everything the girl does. It is almost infuriating how much love she can feel at once. She finds every moment with the redhead magical. To the slow mornings like that, watching her sticking her tongue between her teeth when she is concentrating on something. The soft giggle when she says something stupid to make her laugh. The looks exchanged across a room. The late nights in front of the TV, cuddling. The soft talk laying on the bed. The kisses, the touches, the sweet words when they are intimate moments. All that. It is magical to Beca. That makes her feel enough love for the redhead, she could move mountains, reach the stars, spread love and peace in the entire world.   
  
It is crazy how Chloe has changed her. And it is not scary, not even a single bit because she knows Chloe has been made for her. She is like an angel fell from the sky for her. _We are each other's miracles,_ was the words Chloe whispered during a late night lying in bed. And it was like Beca feels it with all her body, in every bone, every cell. _She so desperately loves her._ She is just not really ready to say it out loud. She wants to keep her little secret for a little more time. Because right now, everything is so so perfect, so soft. They are like living in a secret world, their little bubble. And she knows that Chloe feels it, it is like their unspoken rules. She would rather show it than say it for now. They want to keep their little magic bubble.

Beca stands still watching the redhead when a light soft chuckle comes out. "What?" she says softly.

"You have been watching me for 5 minutes straight, it is so cute."

"You are _so_ beautiful."  
  
The look on Chloe's face soften and her heart melts. She puts down the knife she is using for the toasts and grabs gently the brunette's face between her hand to place a tender kiss on her lips. Immediately, the brunette's hands go to her hips and pull her closer. 

It is _their little-hidden bubble, and that is perfection._


	5. Everything

Beca doesn't like to open up. She doesn't hate it, but she really is bad at all of those stuffs so she doesn't do it. Mostly because she is kind of aware of the fact she is really bad with words. But also, because there is that little part of herself who is scared of the consequences. Because, when you open up, you take the risk to let people in and maybe hurting you. And well, who likes to be hurt by people? Anyone. She just found her way to protect herself. She prefers to take a distance to what could possibly happen if she involves herself emotionally speaking. She feels a lot of stuff, of course, she is a human being, she just doesn't say it out loud. But since she started dating Chloe. That has a little changed. Not the fact that she doesn't open up. But the fact that she doesn't want to.

To Beca, Chloe is kind of an open-book. She shares a lot about how she feels, her emotions, her point of view, her impressions, her thoughts. She likes clarity so she takes part in it. When something has to be said, she says it. That simple. But little do you know that Chloe doesn't actually share that much. That's true. Chloe shares a lot about small things. But the deep true feelings, those ones which can shatter your world and break you into pieces. Those ones, she keeps it deep down. She only opens up about those kinds of stuff to some people. 3 actually. And one of those people is Beca. And Beca feels the most honored person in the world to be a part of that because... Well because Chloe is the most important person in the world to Beca. She feels privileged.

And when Beca thinks of this, of how much Chloe lets her in, she wants to tell her how much she means to her. Because she really does.

It has been 6 months that the two were dating, today. Coarsely said, it is one of those after-sex moment, where you just feel comfortable. Chloe is laying down on her back and Beca is right next to her laying on her front. Looking at her, the light in the room is soft, not too light thanks to the half closed curtains, but enough for her to see every details on her face. She has messy hair and her eyes are closed. She is not wearing any make-up which makes her see her freckles very clearly. Beca finds her absolutely breathtaking right now. And right now feels the perfect moment, because it is just the two of them, nothing else. And like it was might to be, Chloe softly opens her eyes revealing those beautiful perfect baby blue eyes. And she looks at her with this unspoken question, she knows something is going inside of her head, she just doesn't want to push her too much. So she waits. And, even if, Chloe would never hurt her, so she lets go.

She looks at her hand in front of her, smiling and she says quietly:" When I was little, I was like 6 or 7 years old, I remember. My parents used to take me to the park or to do a lot of activities. I was an only child so I was pretty much spoiled you know. I kinda had everything I was asking for. Not in a bitchy way, but in a way I felt really... loved. I could spend an entire afternoon with my dad or mom, they would do it without even thinking about work or other stuff you know. My dad and I used to go on a walk and then talk about everything and anything. I wanted to be an astronaut so I used to tell him all about how I was going to conquer space and bring him the stars. That was one of our number one conversation. With my mom, we had those favor moments when she used to talk about her childhood and stuff. That's funny because I was mesmerized by that, like literally. And with both of them, we used to spend some nights under the stars and I would just fell asleep while they talk together. I used to feel so... peaceful and loved and cared. You know, that was those moments where I felt I was the most important thing on earth and it felt so good. As a child, you only ask for your parents to make you feel love. That was the only thing I was asking for. When they divorced, everything completely changed and I just felt so... Like they gave up on me. I was so young, I didn't get what was happening. I never felt that feeling.. you know, to be... cared about. To be loved..? Since those moments. It is just like a distant memory. Not until...Not until, you. With you Chloe, I feel... good. In peace. I feel like... It's just me. And you. It is just the two of us and that makes me feel... It is so hard to put words on what I am feeling right now because it is everything and anything at the same time. But I really... Chloe - You are... I think I never felt so much love for someone than what I am feeling for you right now. And all that seems really heavy talk but you do so much for all of us, for all the Bellas but especially for me. You are so patient and understanding and caring. And I would never be thankful enough towards you for all the things you do for us, for me. You get me, you get who I am and what I feel and I feel like you would never... You would never let me down and hurt me. You are my everything Chloe."

She does realize she was rambling for a good five minutes, but saying those things out loud feels good when it is with that special person. Her throat feels tights and she is almost sure that she could be crying right now, because it really feels heavy. But when she looks up from her hands, the only things she sees is those big baby blue eyes softly  
staring at her. And the way she stares, it feels so good.

"I love you Chloe" is whispered softly between the two of them. Just like a prayer. And she smiles, she brightly smiles and Beca feels like she just won the most expensive jackpot possible.

"I love you Beca" she whispered back before bringing a hand to your face to bring her down to kiss her sweetly.

And that, that is the most Beca realized she is going to marry that woman when the time will come.


	6. 88 keys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people, well that one means pretty much a lot to me, so I would really like your impressions on it. Hope you like it.  
> (Maybe there will be a part.2)

16:37 p.m.

It is the time she reads on her tiny Casio watch when she got out of her last class of the day. She had more than an hour left until rehearsal begins and she had no idea of what to do. Going back to the Bellas' house was out of the question, it was a 25 min walk which means she wouldn't be able to chill before she has to leave. The rehearsal room was a 15 min walk which means she would have to wait an entire hour alone. She could always work on her mixes which is not a bad idea, she thinks so she heads to the rehearsal room.

Entering the big building, she is met by the chilly air of the room, a cool advantage of old buildings, it keeps the fresh air even during warm days like today. After lighting on lights, she walks towards the large piano to put down her stuff. Taking a moment to admire the piano, it is a Steinway & Sons' grand piano. A _very_ expensive piano. And suddenly, the desire to play overwhelms her body, something she didn't felt in a very long time.

When she was 4, her mother wanted Beca to play a musical instrument to teach her steadiness and determination. The piano was like an evidence. She had learned how to play piano for almost 13 years. It teaches you how to persevere in playing a capriccio until it is perfect. To be regular in the music session, not to lose the hand. To be calm and patient. To lose control over your body to be able to play well. While at the same time having the posture, to be straight, her body well-placed. At first, Beca hated more than anything those music lessons. Her teacher was mean and stubborn, she remembered herself getting out of those classes crying almost every time. She was good at it, she knew it. She just didn't want someone to force her to do it. But when she was playing at home to repeat, she liked the look of pride her mom had on her face. She liked the way her eyes light up at the very first note she played. It was almost immediate, and she loved it. It made her mom happy, so it made her happy. That's why she kept doing it, even if she hated it.

But when her mom died, playing the piano was a way to escape. She has learned something, playing the piano isn't about playing the right note at the right time. It is about losing control of your mind, letting it wander high above the sky. Letting it reach the stars. It has been her way to forget the world and make her mind free of all pressure she could feel. She let the anger, the fear, the pain, the angst going out of her body thanks to the note she was playing. _The song embracing her soul and making it dance with the angels._ It was the only thing that was still lying her to her mom. But it was awful the feeling she had when she would stop playing, not seeing her mom beside smiling like a mad woman, kissing the top of her head, whispering _"Good job kiddo"_. The feeling of sadness embracing her body whenever the music piece was over. And over the years, she stopped playing, bit by bit.

It had been more than 5 years now the last time she played, she misses it. She couldn't deny it. That's why she finds herself sitting in front of the piano, her hand is lingering on the white keys. Well placing her hands on the piano, straightening up herself and closing her eyes, for once since 5 years, she lets the feelings out. Putting her soul in the Capriccio, she starts softly with _My_ _name is Lincoln_ by Steve Jablonsky. The Capriccio starts slowly, letting her time to adjusts, to relax her hands and wrists, _and to feel again_. Hitting every note quite right, she lets herself slowly lose a little bit of control, her mind peacefully wanders, her soul escapes from her body. Her mind is focused on a sight she didn't have in a very long time: _her mom_. Her face, her aura beside her, just like she is standing beside her, her hands on Beca's shoulder, her smile lighting up. Like she used to when she was younger.

Highly contrasting on Beca's everyday mood, her mom was a cheerful bubbly person. Always having a smile on her face, trying her best to lighten the mood even in the hardest times. Even when she was sick. She had the right words for everyone, especially with _Beca_. She could understand Beca, read her on a simple look. That is what she has been missing a lot with her dad, not having to put words on emotions. She misses her mom, _so much_. Sometimes, it is hard to breathe without her. And the piano is her way to feel her next to her again.

Changing smoothly to _Fly_ by Ludovico Einaudi. God, she had hated that piece more than anything. The song is good, it is just that the notes don't change that much and it is kinda.. boring. She likes difficulties and challenge. But her mom loved it. It is smooth, quite soft but with a kind of passion in the song. A smile cracked on Beca's face when she changes to her certain piece in which she put so much passion into its learning: _Rondo Alla Turca_ by Mozart.

When she was ten, she had learned that her mother actually loved Mozart, that was one of the reasons why she had pushed her daughter to play the piano. So for Mother's Day, she had learned by heart that Capriccio, alone in her bedroom or when her mom wasn't home. She had put her soul in this song just to make her mom happy. And the said morning, while her mom started to make breakfast, she sat in front of the piano and had started playing it. Even if she had struggled so badly doing it, _still is,_ she wanted to do it. At the end of the piece, she saw her mom crying she immediately thought she had screwed up the piece, made it so bad her mom was sad or maybe upset. But it was quite the opposite, her mom was actually the proudest mom on earth. Like every time, she had kissed her on the top of her head and whispered tearfully _"You are the best daughter I could ever ask for, Beca and I am so proud of you."_.

Making her mom happy like that was the best thing Beca ever did. Her mom was her rock, she had been the only one who had believed her as she did. Playing the piano has been a way to say _thank you_ or _I love you_ to her. That's why without realizing it, tears start to roll down her face.

 _Comptine d'un autre été_ by Yann Tiersen. _Carresse_ sur _l'océan_. _Nuvole Bianche_ by Ludovico Einaudi. She lets herself wander, her mind high above the sky.

She is so focused on the key, so _high_ on the notes, so captivated by the peaceful state of her mind, she hasn't realized the Bellas, one by one coming in the room. Impressed by the sight, they all sit without making any noise, just watching and listening. They had no idea she could play the piano, not _that_ well. Beca seems so peaceful and far away in her mind. They don't have the heart to stop her, or just letting her know they are here, even with the fact that they should have started 15 minutes earlier.

But there is one of all of them, who is mesmerized by the scene in front of her. Chloe. There is something in watching Beca playing the piano that is quite... disturbing. Not in a bad way. The scene is very unusual. It is like Beca is freely exposing herself. Letting the emotion coming out with the note she is playing. Like the piece she is playing are screaming the emotions she has buried deep down. Like everything, she tries so hard to not show, are coming out right now. She seems vulnerable, letting her guards down, letting the facade down. The tears discretely rolling down the brunette's face showing the fears and maybe the pain she has. But at the same time, she seems so strong and brave. Her posture, the way she hits the notes perfectly. Almost like an angel playing. She seems like she could fight the world, confront any war all by herself she still would win. She has that aura emanating from herself, so fearless and strong. But when the brunette changes smoothly to _Lettre à Elise_ by Beethoven, the redhead is like transfixed, she completely loses it by the brunette's beauty. _Beautiful_.

At the end of the piece, the brunette is slowly coming out of her daydream, down to earth realizing _once again_ she had gone too far away on that special piece. Right away, the huge wave of emotions is coming full force. Expecting the wave of sadness, she is surprised by the free feeling she has right now. It is like every emotion she had kept locked off deep inside her are now out, and it is... _liberating_. She slowly opens her eyes, wiping the few tears on her face with the back of her hands, she becomes aware of her surroundings and the 18 eyes looking at her in awe. Even Emily doesn't say anything at first, in fear of breaking the moment, only her face is streamed by tears. Amy is sitting her face unreadable, only her wide opened eyes are speaking in awe. Jessica and Ashley are holding their breaths, they are not very close to the captain but they know she is easily freaked out. Flo, Stacie, and Lilly don't say anything, they are just in awe. She can't bring herself to look at Chloe.

"How long have you been here?" she croaks.

"A little more than 20 minutes," Cynthia Rose says quietly.

"We didn't know you could play that well Beca, it is beautiful."

"Thanks Stacie."

"Yeah short shank, it is _really_ good"

She laughs shyly before standing up. "Thanks guys, but let's get back to business."

She turns around to get her laptop avoiding the staring, the attention is too much right now. The moment is too much, she would like to run away but there is no point in doing it, she knows the Bellas and they know her. She just needs to make her emotion back on track, to lock herself up again to feel steady again. On purpose, she avoids the looks on her, especially a certain one: Chloe's.

Because, in all of them, she is the one who makes her feel the most. She is the one who mattered the most. Because Chloe makes her feel a lot, that weird twists her belly does whenever she sees her. The warmth in her chest. Her hands sweaty and shaky. Her head feels dizzy almost like her if her brain is boiling. The redhead makes her feel so much, it is quite scary. And the thing is, playing piano makes Beca proud of herself because she has seen the way she could make her mom happy. She wants to make people proud of her whenever she plays it. To put a smile on every people's face that could listen to her. She wants to put a smile on Chloe's face and make her proud. She wants to say _thank you_ in her own way for all the things the redhead has done for her. The way she makes her feel brave, valuable, steady and worth it. The way she makes her feel happy, the way she believes in her whenever the brunette isn't. The way she can make her feel steady and brave.

She wants to say thank you, to all those times Chloe has been the rock she needed. Not in a way that she took the place her mother had. In a way that she made her feel enough. And playing piano for Beca is her way to say all that. To express herself when she can't speak. And she is afraid of Chloe's reaction because maybe Chloe doesn't care if Beca can play piano or not. Maybe she doesn't even like piano. Maybe she thinks Beca is bad at it. Maybe she has heard better. Maybe she thinks Beca isn't good enough at it. Maybe Beca has imagined all that. Maybe Chloe doesn't _like_ her. And that, that would maybe break her heart. Because she wants to be enough.

That would break her heart if she couldn't, she knows it. Right now, she is not ready to face the possibility of having her heart broken.

* * *

> A piano must be a friend, in other words a confidant who wipes our rages.
> 
> \- Félix Leclerc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people, well that one means pretty much a lot to me, so I would really like your impressions on it. Hope you like it.  
> (Maybe there will be a part.2)


	7. Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: drug/depression/self-harm mentions  
> **   
>  _highly inspired by Amelia Sheperd in Private Practice ( great character btw )_

The air is dry cold, it hurts a little bit when she breathes but she is used to it by now. The whole apartment is deadly silent and black except the light lights coming from the bathroom. It makes her be aware of the mess around her. The coffee table is covered with tissue, pizza's box, bottles of any booze she could find and the tiny - but still visible - marks of her relapse.

She has been so proud of herself when she had celebrated her anniversary of one year sober. She celebrated in this fancy new restaurant in town with her stepmother and her dad. Her mom hadn't been able to be here, but she sent her tons of texts messages to tell her she was proud of her. For the first time in what seems like an eternity, he said he was so proud of her and he said he loved her. She couldn't be able to say it back but she did try to show in in her own way. That had been a great night and she has been so proud of herself.

Yesterday, everything has changed.

Yesterday, it had been 1 year that her mom passed away.

One fucking long year without her mom.

She had felt every second of that painful day.

She did try when she woke up to go through that day and to be strong. She tried. So hard. But the thing is, when she woke up she had that awful throbbing headache. Which was ironically well matching with the pain in her heart. Funny uh? It was coming by waves, sometimes bearable, sometimes a little less, sometimes it was really painful. And around 9 p.m yesterday, it came full force. She thought she could have to make it through the day. But did she was wrong. She thought she could be able to go out just to take a walk. She thought smoking a cigarette to release stress wouldn't be a big deal. She thought to go into that bar with Megan - that new friend she made in history class - would be manageable. She thought accepting the drink from that cute girl wouldn't be a big deal too.

And then, one thing leading to another, she invited all those people to her home to celebrate.

She got so wasted, she didn't realize what was happening. She is pretty sure the night was so damn wild. But the memories are a bit blurry. Though, she does remember a few things she is not proud of. She does remember accepting that first mark of the _joy powder_   - as they called it. She does remember the second one. She does remember making out with the cute girl from the bar on her couch. And then with Megan. And maybe Lucas too, but she is not very sure. She doesn't remember when they all left. She does remember texting someone too. Not very sure to whom. Or maybe a call, not sure.

Frowning at the memory, she thinks it is not a good thing but she can't extend her arm to reach her phone on the floor. It is like her whole body is numb. She can't bring herself to move her legs too. Her head feels dizzy and her eyelid feels heavy but at the same time, she feels wide awake. It is a weird sensation because suddenly she is hot and she knows it is not a good sign. She feels a little stiff too, her muscle tense just like she went running. Her body feels heavier if it is possible by the minute as she is slowly falling asleep. Which is odd, she feels awake like she has slept for two days straight and fully rested.

And then she knows. She knows exactly what is happening because she had lived that before. The sensation of going away. Succumbing to something unknown. A loud thump in the back makes her wonder if it is in her head, an imagination or someone is really thumping at her door. She doesn't have the time to wonder any longer because she feels it, slowly she is passing away. The only thing she does remember is the loud crack like someone has cracked her door open. And then all is pitch black.

 

* * *

 

 _Beca ( 3:17 a.m )_  
_I mad a_ tini _wee mistake. m_ sorwry  
_I_ wornt _do it_ agasin i _promise_  
_but m still sorry_

 _Beca ( 4:02 a.m )_  
_m very sad now_

 _Beca ( 4:45 a.m )_  
boooooo _everyone left_  
_it's funny, everybody_ leave _at_ sme point  
 _m all alone now_  
_like always_  
_m sad_

 _Beca ( 5:30 a.m )_  
_u know_ i luv _u, m sorry_ i _made it again_  
_once again,_ i _failed_  
i _can't fight anymore_  
_m not worth_ it u _know_  
_hope u have a good like  
_ _m sorry_  
_goodbye_ chlo  
i _love you_

 _Chloe ( 5:31 a.m )_  
_Beca, what is happening??_  
_What have you done?_  
_Why were you awake? Where are you_ babe _?_  
_Please Beca, are you okay?_  
_Answer me_ please  
_Beca!_

\- - - 14 missed calls from **Red **.****

* * *

 

 

Chloe has been pacing trying to call Beca for about 20 minutes now. She has been waked up by the buzzing sound of some messages. Without looking at who it is, she has just read the messages and the more it went the more she went worried. When she checked from who it was, she panicked completely. She has been trying to call her but the brunette isn't responding. She is seriously starting to freak out.

"Chlo?" says Aubrey opening the door. "What the hell is happening? Do you realize it's 6 a.m on a Sunday morning?"

The blonde enters her roommate's bedroom, looking at the ginger pacing and huffing loudly.

" _Beca where are you? Please answer your freakin' phone, please!_ " she says before hanging off. She throws her phone on the bed and starts getting dress, not taking of Aubrey's presence.

"Chlo?" she says to get attention from her best friend. "Chlo? What is happening?" Still, no answer she decides to grab her best friend make her look at her. "Chloe, what is wrong?"

Seeing her friend like that, she gets worried.

"Beca has sent me all those weird texts about a mistake, that she is sorry and not worth it and I know something is wrong. Yesterday she has been off all day and I just thought it was normal Beca's behavior but NOW, I do realize something is wrong. I just- I should have knows that-"

"Chloe, calm down, it's Beca maybe it is not that big of a deal. Relax she is going to call you back and -"

"And what if it is, Aubrey?" she looks annoyed, worried and in the verge of tears, but at the same time so determined. "Aubrey, I know something is wrong, look at the texts!" she says pointing at her phone.

Aubrey takes a quick look at it while Chloe hurries to get dress.

"I am going to her place, now. I just hope she is there."

Frowning at the text, she does find it a little odd coming from the younger Bella. They aren't best friend in the whole wild world, but they are a least a little bit friends, at that is not _Beca_.

"I'm coming with you."

-

3 hours.

It has been three fucking hours with no news coming from the doctors who are currently taking care of Beca. Chloe is living her worst nightmare right now, and she can't wake up. Her and Aubrey have found the brunette in the middle of her apartment. Laying half on the couch, half on the floor. And Aubrey never thought in her entire life that she would ever be so scared for someone's life.

 _"BECA! OPEN THE DOOR!"_  
_They have been thumping at the door for 15 mn now, they_ know _she is here because there is a shoe - not sure if it is hers - on the floor and an empty cup. Chloe has recently_ known _that Beca and alcohol is not a very good thing, that is why she finds it odd. And the more it goes, the more she is freaking out._

_"Beca please!" she says thumping again._

_"Chloe, move."_  
  
"What?"

_"Move!"_

_A loud crack is heard and then the door is open._

_The two enters the apartment, a huge smell of alcohol is the smell in the apartment. The light on the room and there she is._

_It is like a nightmare awake. She is laying on the floor, her head resting on the couch, she is apparently asleep but the shaking of the tiny brunette's body shows that something is wrong. They see all the empty bottles, the cigarettes and what seems like to be many joints, snacks, and drugs. A lot. Too much for Chloe's likings. And Beca. Her right arm is covered in blood. Her face is livid, her body numb and shaking. She seems to be in a trance. Barely alive._

They have driven the brunette at the hospital as fast as they could. Aubrey is pretty sure she'll be fined for speeding. But she couldn't care less right now. Chloe is sitting in front of the door the doctors have passed to go take care of Beca. 3 hours ago. She hasn't been moving a single toe. Not saying a word. Not a single tear. That is what's scared the most Aubrey. Chloe is an emotional person, and right now she is keeping everything in. Shutting everyone down. Just staring at the door.

All the Bellas are here, waiting in the waiting room. They are trying their best to respect the silence Chloe has asked for. They have no idea of the current state of the young Bella. Aubrey has called Beca's dad when they arrived at the hospital. Unfortunately, he is at an 8 hours flight from her daughter, he has been devastated and said he will be there as soon as he can. Even the Trebbles are here to support the Bellas and Beca. Aubrey thinks it is beautiful. Beca always wanted that, to be able to put a truce to the stupid Trebbles/Bellas war. She wishes she could be here to see this. Bumper has all get them coffee and smiled at Aubrey before taking a seat next to Fat Amy. She really wishes Beca could see this.

They have no idea of how it happened or even what happened. Ashley said it is anyone's fault because she lived it with her brother, but they all feel guilty - _even her, she doesn't even believe her own words_. They should have known what the girl was going through.

It is an hour after that the doctor crosses the doors again. Everybody stands up, except for Chloe. She is too scared to move, to face the reality. She might lose her best friend, the girl she has been in love for so long, she is not ready for that. She doesn't want to.

She just hears so part of what he is saying. She hears the word fine, stable, weak, overdose. Overdose. It is like the world is moving in slow motion around her. She can't bring herself to the reality. She might suffocate if she stays here. She tries to breathe but she can't.

Aubrey is kneeling down in front of her, trying to talk to her.

 _Get your shit back_ _together_ _Chloe, Beca needs you_ , she tells herself.

She stands up. "I want to see her please." and the way she talks is enough to let the doctors guide her to Beca.

  
-

It has been 10 hours, now. 10 hours she had found Beca. 7 hours that she has been sitting in the waiting room waiting for news from Beca. 6 hours that she is sitting next to her motionless body with no amelioration. No sign of life. The doctor has said she has been lucky to not be found later. He said that Chloe and Aubrey saved her life. She came at the right moment. _Lucky for her_ he says and Chloe wanted nothing more to punch him in the face. It is not being lucky. But she hadn't do anything, she is just sitting next to her, waiting. Again.

Still, she is still asleep. Still not talking to Chloe. Still not rolling her eyes at some stupid puns Chloe has made. Still not responding to her sarcastically. Still not smiling at Chloe.

And Chloe might die if she doesn't.

She wants her to wake up. She needs her to. She needs more time. The thing is that she is so helpless right now, she can't do anything but wait. And she hates it.

Chloe is sitting on a chair, next to Beca's bed, she has her hand in hers and she can't bring herself to not look at Beca. The sight is painful as hell. She looks so tiny in the bed, almost as white as the sheets. Vulnerable and broken. Every sign of life has taken out from her body. Like her soul can't bring to smile and bring that special Beca's shine. She has dark circles under her eyes, visible proof of the non-existent sleep, highly contrasting on her skin's shade. The machine next to her which helps to breathe makes a loud noise and she knows that the weak chest's movement wouldn't be possible without it. She looks so vulnerable and in pain. How could she have not seen it? She doesn't know if she is struggling to live or not. She doesn't know if she is fighting for it. She needs her to. It is a little selfish but she needs her.

She wants to scream, and cry, and shake her awake. She wants to see her eyes. She wants to hear her voice. She wants to take all the pain away from Beca. She wants to save her so badly. The sight is so painful, yet she is still here. She takes a weak breath, dropping her head to kiss her hand. Whispering weakly, almost like a quiet prayer to herself and maybe the big guy up there.

"Please. Please. Wake up."

She looks up at Beca and says.

"Beca please, wake up. Beca I need you to wake up, to fight for this, fight for you please. Fight for me, Beca. Because I can't see my life without you and... You are all that I ever wished in my life, even more. And I am so sorry I didn't see you were in pain, it is all my fault. I wished I could have helped you, I wish I was there. But please, be here for me. For us. Because I love you Beca. I love you so fucking much it hurts. And i - Beca I need you to live for me, please. Because I wouldn't be able to make it without you. Wake up, please." she whispers in a wavery voice, it is painful.

-

Everything has been as fast as a rollercoaster. She had woken up. She had smiled. And then, she had crashed. The doctors said it was a predictable reaction, her body rejecting all substances she had taken. Apparently, she took so many drugs and alcohol at the same time, it is a miracle if she makes it. Now, Chloe is back in the waiting room, laying on the benches, praying for a miracle.

-

Her dad arrives in the evening. He looks terrified and lost when he enters the waiting room. Chloe has spoken to him a few time before but not enough for her to be noticeable. Still, when her dad comes to see her, she feels in charge. Maybe a little guilty.  
She stands up and he doesn't say anything, just pulls her in a hug. And then this familiar smell of Beca is here, because of Beca's dad. Because even if Beca hates to admit it, they have the same attitude, the same way of acting around people. And a smell is the same, maybe it is the same laundry detergent they use. Or maybe because has worn her dad's coat for a year now and it is familiar. But something feels familiar to Beca, it is comforting.

He knows how close Beca and Chloe are. How much she means to his daughter. Chloe means the world to his daughter.

"Beca is a fighter. She is going to be okay, Chloe." he whispers.

And she can't help it but breaks down in his arms.

-

It is 7 in the morning when the doctor crosses the doors again. They are all still here, the Trebbles, the Bellas and Beca's dad and stepmother. They tell them, she is okay. She is a fighter and has won the first battle. Not enough to win the war. But she is going to make it. And like that, Chloe feels her heart explodes and the tears can't stop rolling down her face.

-

Standing in front of the door, Beca's dad sees her daughter's childhood in the back of his eyes. The last time he was here, in this kind of situation, he promised himself, he would never let her go through that again. Still, he is. He sees the young innocent Beca. When everything was light and perfect. No pain. No fears. No struggles. No demons. He wishes he could take her back there.

Slowly pushing the handle down, he enters the room and he sees her. She is weakly sitting on the bed, crying. She looks up to her dad and breaks down again. He runs to her sides to take her in his arms. She whispers again and again "I am sorry, I am so sorry." crying her soul out. She feels pathetic and guilty. Mad at her for doing it again. Blaming her weak self.

"It is okay. You are okay. I've got you Beca. I am here." he whispers trying to comfort her. "You are going to fight for this _munchkin_ , you are strong, you can do this. You are not alone. I am here. And you know," he slowly lifts her head to make her look at him, he sees the guilt in her eyes. "I am proud of the fight you have made, it is not over and you are going to win this war. Because you are the strongest little girl. I am _here_ Beca."

-

It has been a month now that Beca got out of the hospital. After a mutual agreement with her dad and Beca, she will not go back to her apartment living alone. She needs supports. So after that, all the Bellas came to a conclusion: they are all going to live together. They bought a house on campus, a pretty big one and all settled themselves in. It is for Beca they are doing this. And Beca couldn't feel more loved. They all think it is a good choice because she still needs her freedom but not alone. It works well.

They are all doing their best with her. Taking care of her but not that much, because it is still Beca, she doesn't need to feel suffocated. She moves in the biggest room with Fat Amy, though it is the most inconvenient room. The roof is low, and there is a velux above her bed that wakes her up way too early in the morning.

She is struggling a lot. Because the desire to drown again is in the back of her head all the time. The bad thoughts are here too. Repeating again and again that she can't make it.

But she fights.

She learns to re-love everything.

Because, even if the roof of her room is too low, Beca doesn't really care because she is little and she finds it funny when sometimes Amy forgets it and bumps her head. Even if there is a velux above her head, it lets her look at the stars during the late sleepless night. Plus, when it is rainy, the sound of the rain on the glass is comforting. And it lets her having a fresh draft during hot nights. Even if the Bellas are way too loud in the mornings, she finds it comforting to all see them in the morning, chatting about anything and everything. And she never thought she could say that, but living with a roommate is pretty cool. Because even if she is messy and loud. Amy has funny stories to share when she can't sleep. And she makes her laugh pretty much all the time. It is light and easy with her. Stacie is still pretty embarrassing ( even more that one time when she started to hit on Beca's dad, yet it is Stacie and Beca found it hilarious from the look on her dad's face, she had laugh so much that day  ), Stacie makes her feel pretty even in the morning when she yells "Damn girl" with Cynthia Rose in the back, she likes it. She has learned who was who between Ashley and Jessica, and she likes the soft attention they give. Barely noticeable, but it is here. When they left an extra one of her favorite kind of pancakes in her plate. The most surprising might be Aubrey. Because even if she is way too uptight and strict. She takes care of everyone, she gives a settling so that they don't eat too late, wake up too late or leave the house in a complete mess. It is comforting. Kinda like a family. Kinda like a _mom_. And that thought is so painful, yet she feels that she needs it.

Her dad too is here. They went to see her mother's grave. They have sat in front of it for an hour and they talked to her. It had felt so awkward but it felt good at the same time. They went to her favorite childhood's restaurant. He brought her by surprise into a musical museum. He bought her a guitar when she suggested she could learn how to play another instrument. They went to meetings for drugs addicts.

John has been surprised to see her back on rehab but he supported her. That had been very though. The hardest actually.

Beca sees that the war is not going to be easy. It is going to be long and hard. Yet, she has people around her and it feels a little easier.

Chloe is here too. It is a little painful. Beca hadn't been able to properly talk to her. She wants to but the words can't find their way out. Chloe sees sometimes how hard she is struggling, but she doesn't push her. Beca is in charge of her own fight. She makes the rules. If she needs time, well Chloe is going to give her. She makes a clear point to not pressure the girl. At all. And truthfully, Chloe struggles a bit to find her way too. Because she never faced addiction in her life. She doesn't know how to help someone through that. But she wants to do it, to be here for her. So she tries. And Beca seems to be better with every day going by.

 

* * *

 

Amy is tidying her side of the room when she looks up at the clock on her nightstand : 7:20 p.m, she should go downstairs for the usual Bella's Friday dinner. She prepares herself to leave when she notice Beca laying on her back, on her bed, head right underneath the window, what seems like looking at the sky. The brunette has a serene look on her face, she has her eyes closed. She comes closer and says :

"Beca, we should go downstairs, it is almost time to eat.", in a playful urgent voice which brings a small smile to her friend's face.

She sits up and says: "Can you do something for me Amy, please?"

She just nods.

"Um, can you- Can you ask Chloe to come? Like here? Please?"

"Oh. Uh yeah, totally."

"Thanks. Oh and! Tell the girls to put some dinners aside, please."

"No probs."

-

When she enters the room and climbs the stairs, Chloe is met with a _kinda-but-_ _not-at-all_  similar scene*. The air is fresh and cool. A light smell of flowers, and when she sees the windows wide open, she thinks it is the natural smell of spring. Beca is laying flat on her back, on her bed, eyes closed. A song on the back she doesn't know is playing. _A storm is going to come_ by Piers Faccini. The brunette is slowly moving her feet at the beat of the songs. She wears a large white tee-shirt and a pair of red short - _Chloe's actually_ \- and big fluffy socks. It is cute. She finds the girl incredibly cute like that.

It breaks her heart to break the peace she looks to be in, so she just comes and lay next to her. On her back, waiting for the brunette to speak.

After a moment, when Chloe has thought Beca had fallen asleep, she hears her taking a breath before saying quietly, just for the two of them :

"Three years ago, I met a guy, Joane. He was nice and funny. We started to get along well and for a long time, I thought it was love. We have started a thing... like dating or something. He is the first guy I have slept with. At the beginnings, he really was nice with me, you know. But then, he met some other guys and we started to hang out, all together. It went so fast. It started by drinking. Then we would smoke marijuana. And then at a party, someone had brought narcotics. Tons of it. And Joanne took it so, I took it too. It was so dumb. And then, it went really fast. Without realizing it, I was sneaking out of my dad's house to go with him at " _secret parties_ ". We would get so high I wouldn't remember my own name. But one night, we were supposed to sneak out and he was supposed to bring me back just before breakfast. But that said morning, I woke up and Joane was laying beside me. He was dead. He made an overdose and didn't make the night. I was so high, I didn't see it. So I called my dad and right after that, I tried to kill myself by taking as many drugs as I could. I was so dumb, so stupid. I was so, what I thought it was, in love with him. It was my mom that found me first, on time to save my life. The rehab has been the most difficult thing, because of all the drugs I took, I suffered, and still do, with a lot of anxiety and maybe what I think is like depression. I had those thoughts in the back of my head all the time. It wasn't easy. I have made it a year without relapsing and I was pretty proud of myself, I even left from rehab earlier and moved back in with my dad. But then my mom had a ruptured aneurysm and she died, last year. My mom has been my rock during the rehab, like my dad, but she has been through some kind of anxiety in her life so she knew what I was feeling. She could help me and tell me the right words. She was so-  she has been here from the start, believing so hard in me. Like I was the strongest person on earth. When she died, I did too a little bit. Grieving has been so hard. And the anxiety, the _demons_ , as we called it with my dad, were even more here."

She stops for a minute, before going on.

"Last month, the day it happened before you found me. It has been a year exactly that my mom was dead. I thought at first that I could make it through alone, by myself. That I was strong enough. And honestly, it happened so fast, I don't remember what or how it happened. But I do recall that the demons were here all day. I tried to bury them in the back of my head, but I shouldn't have. I should have let them out. Talk it out with someone. Because they say I am not worth it. I can't do it. I am not enough. I will never be. Now, I try to convince myself they are wrong, it is still hard but I try."

"Besides my mom, my dad is the only who knows all of that. Not even Sheila, I asked him to keep it private. But today, I am telling all of it... to you. First, because I trust you as I hadn't trust anyone in my whole life. Second, because I want you to understand what is happening. My parents have been struggling so badly after what happened the first time. Blaming themselves because they didn't see anything. But none of it is your fault. At all. Because it is to the closest people, we hide it the most. Because we - **I** don't want to disappoint you. So I try to be better and act like all is okay. But all is not okay and now, I have to fight it. And I know I can do it. Not alone. But I can do it. And if you have a question of what happened that night, I am sorry I can't answer your questions because I don't remember. But you have to get, it is not your fault. You didn't make me take the drugs. I did. Not you. So don't blame yourself."

The two girls turn on their sides to face each other.

"Don't blame yourself Chloe. I am so sorry you had to see this, and I wished you wouldn't. You didn't do anything wrong, it is not you. You didn't "didn't see it". It is not working like that. It is way much more complicated than what you think. And you are, the only person who has keep me grounded... alive. You didn't do anything wrong. And today, **that** is a part of my life I have to live with forever. I will have to fight the thought, but I know I can do it. But I can't do it alone. And- I- I want you in it, if you _can._  If you _want_. Because, you are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. And- I don't want to loose you."

The tears on Chloe's face are rolling freely but her face is quite serene. She would like to take all the pain and the fears away from Beca. But she can't. The best she could do is stay.

"I am not going anywhere. I am here," she whispers almost like a prayer.

"I have something else to say Chloe but- I-."

"You can tell me anything."

"I can't- I feel it, you know but I am not ready to say it, it is a little too heavy for now but I want to show you, a least. So please, even if it is not the same for you, don't run away from me."

She waits for Chloe to say something but the redhead only nods. And as slowly as possible, Beca leans in, tenderly kissing the girl of her life. The " _what if"_   are over, for Beca. She wants to fight, to reach the stars, to make her mom proud. It is time to act, start living. So she does, she acts and **_here starts the beginning of the best part of life_**. 

 

> Loneliness is a drug, a narcotic; it is spread in the veins, nerves, and muscles; she arrogates to herself the right to possess your body and your mind. Isolation and loneliness are walls.  
> Seul le silence - Roger-Jon Ellory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you think? heavy one sorry


	8. independent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this one, Jesse is an absolute sweetheart because I don't believe he is the bad guy neither he has to be. I really see him as Beca's best friend before the whole dating thing. I do believe she loved him, like her first real love, even though her heart belongs to Chloe.  
> Otherwise, I don't believe that Beca is the bad guy there either. I believe she could have followed her heart and just did what was best for her.  
> Jesse and Beca were lovers in it. They loved each other, but everything has to come to an end after all.  
> She doesn't know it, yet, but New York will also teach her a lot.

Graduation was fast approaching and all the Bellas were getting ready for it, only a week before the big day. All of them had planned something after that, for the holiday and for after. So today was packing day they said. It started as a weird day, mixed with sadness, nostalgia but also excitement. But they were all, more or so slowly, packing in their room before doing the common parts, and getting used to the fact that it was the end.

Gratefully, Jesse had proposed to help Beca and the Bellas with all the packing things. He came with coffee and donuts the said morning, and dear they needed it. _They couldn't believe how much stuff they could accumulate._

For now, Jesse was in Beca's room to help her pack and she couldn't believe how lucky she was to be in his life.

He was smart, caring, funny and had so much love to give. She had been the luckiest to have him in her life. She knew it. Every time she was with him, she felt like on a high, like she was able to conquer the world. It was perfect, _he_  was perfect.

But there was a small shadow on this perfect relationship, it has been for a while in Beca's mind.

Last month, she had received an offer from a studio in Los Angeles, where she was supposed to join Jesse after graduation. She pretty much-planned everything, from the departure to the settling. About a few days after, she received an unexpected offer from a studio in New York. It was pretty much the same offer, the same benefits, New York closer to her dad and Los Angeles closer to her mom. Jesse was in Los Angeles, but most of the girls were close to New York, even in New York for Chloe and Amy. New York could be a real start in the real world by herself. Los Angeles was a dream since she was ten and discovered music.

Los Angeles always has been her dream life since she was little. It was all she ever wanted, all she ever dreamed for. But since that offer, she couldn't decide, it was like she was paralyzed and couldn't make a decision. She couldn't pinpoint why she wasn't able to make that decision. Everything was settled with Jesse, but there it was: New York could maybe be for her after all.

She had to take a decision sooner than later if she didn't want to lose both offers, and she was kind of hoping on today to be her assurance that Los Angeles was it.

But that wasn't that simple, after all.

She was stuck on the place, he was putting everything on her shelf in a box, talking about a movie he was probably going to work on, while she was sat on her bed packing all the photographies she took during College. She was locked on one, it had been taken on a late night at a Trebbles party. That night had been sort of a truce from everything, there was the Bellas and the Trebbles smiling wildly at the camera. Everyone was there. She was so deep in her mind, she didn't realize the tears in her eyes.

"Beca, are listening to me?", he asked suddenly.

When she looked up to look at him, the confusion on his face changed into something more soft.

"What's happening?"

"From my whole life, I thought was completely able to be by myself, be independent. That's who I wanted to be since the beginning: independent.  I wanted my whole life, to live alone, thanks to me with my own earning and shit like that. Because I never wanted to depend on anything or anyone. So when my dad wanted me to go to college, just because he was to only one able to help me to go to Los Angeles, I was so fucking mad at myself. It was the worst, everything that I didn't want and I couldn't even do anything against that because he was right. But I surrendered, it was only a year to go true and then I could be it, independent. But that idea changed quickly when I met and joined the Bellas because I decided to stay in Barden, pursue my degree and to live in Bella's house. That was kinda the opposite of what I was expecting from me. Then, I've met you. We started dating and then, the idea of going to LA together came out, and then the idea of moving in together came out. It seemed natural to do that. Being with the person you love is natural. 

She looked up a few seconds to look at him in the eyes, but the soft smile and look were too much. _God, what am I doing?_

"College gave me so much, you know. It gave me a family because it doesn't see my life without the Bellas, and you, and Benji and most of the Trebbles. All of you guys became my best friends. That's incredible how those few years taught me so much. It taught me that even tho I didn't want to do something, I should persevere in everything and never give up because I am able to do it. I taught me that I could actually live with a lot of people, and sometimes not being alone is pretty cool and fun. I taught me that family isn't just the ones we are given. I taught me that caring about people isn't being weak. Showing it isn't being weak. That I should show my love more often. I taught me that I could fall in love with someone as incredible as you, and you could fall in love with me too. I taught me that needing someone by my side, doesn't mean I am weak. I taught me that being independent doesn't actually mean being alone. It is more about knowing what's good for myself."

The more she kept talking, the more she was realizing what she was actually doing, she was taking her decision, _right now._

"And I always thought Los Angeles was it for me, you know. I've dreamt of it since I was little, and growing up I've dreamt about with you."

He was listening to her carefully, it wasn't often that Beca opens up like that. It did happen a few times during the relationship, but not like that. Not so vulnerable and open. He sat on the bed in front of her and she kept going.

"But since the offers, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why or what is making me think about it so bad. But I can't stop thinking about New York." she croaked in a tight voice looking up at him.

"Oh my god...", he said slowly realizing what was happening.

"I know I was supposed to join you in Los Angeles after graduation, we settle everything. And it was my dream to live there with you because it was the beginning of our lives together. But I keep thinking about New York, all the time. I have been looking at the city, the projects the studio made, the team they work with... I feel like, like-"

"-like you have to go there."

Hearing him say that made all her walls go down, it was getting real and she started to cry.

"I am so sorry because I never wanted to do that to you but I feel like it could be the place where I want to be. I am so sorry Jesse."

He was staring blankly in front of him not saying anything, and for the first time in her life, she was feeling the real pain of a break-up could do. Jesse has been her first love, he was the only person she ever fell in love for. He was the first one to make her feel more than just friendship or attraction. It was more than just kisses, cuddles and sweet talk. He had been there of her every time she needed someone. He was the one to pull her back to reality. To remind her where she belongs. But also, to push her to reach the stars and accomplish her dreams, and to make her dream bigger. He was a friend, her inspiration and her lover.

"Please, don't hate me."

That snapped him back to reality immediately. She was there in front of him, vulnerable and what seemed like broken. It hurt badly what she was doing, putting an end to an incredible story they have lived. She was his everything. But he knew deep down, she was doing it for her. To be happy. And that was the only thing Jesse wanted for Beca, to be happy and to live her dream fully. He had watched her grow in this relationship and individually, he knew it was good for her.

"I don't hate you, Beca. I could never be able to hate you."

In one fast move, he reached for her to pull her in his arms before she broke down completely. She wasn't able to believe what she was doing.

"You are going to go to New York if that's what you know you have to do. I would never stand between you and your dreams, Beca. And I know you are not doing that to hurt. I know you love me."

That was it, Beca has done it. She had, on a what was supposed to be a simple day, put an end to the very first and most important relationship of her life. _Jesse and Beca_ were over.

_"Plus, you'll be with Chloe."_

He said it with a so soft voice, so nice, caring and full of love, she didn't realize the weight he put in those words. Because that year for Chloe and Beca has been significant in their friendship. There always was that special bond that only the two of them could get, but there has been that small spark that light up that year. Jesse saw it. Beca wasn't the same around Chloe and vice versa. He didn't want to believe at first, of course, he was a little bit jealous of that. But the more he saw it happened, the more he saw Beca changed and being a little more... her, happier, kinda safer. He always had been very careful of Beca's well being and happiness, the only thing he wanted was for her to be happy. And maybe, being in New York, being closer to Chloe, would make her happy... happier. Maybe, unconsciously she was following her heart.

They stayed like that for an hour before Jesse said he needed to leave. It would be best for both of them. They decided the long distance relationship was too hard for them to even try, so they settle on the idea of maybe being friends when they were ready. He left Beca in her room and went downstairs. On his way out, he told the girls the situation, asking Chloe to take care of Beca for him. At the second, he was out of the house, Chloe was climbing up the stairs by two to Beca. She found her in her bed, crying.

"Oh sweety..." she said walking to her.

"Why does it hurt so fucking badly?" she said between tears and hiccups.

"Oh, it is going to be okay, come here," she whispered taking her in her arms.

The second Beca was in Chloe's arms, she felt a little bit safer like the pain was a little more bearable with her. Maybe Jesse was right, _she was following her heart._


	9. used to this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what do you think?

  
Against what everybody thought, Beca was a morning person. She loved morning in her own kind of way. Well, she didn't always have been but since she was fifteen, she was becoming more and more a morning person.

Because, during school days, she discovered that she actually liked taking her time to wake up, get ready and have breakfast. She liked to do it alone though. She especially loved the Thursday in College, very much actually. Living in a house full of girls with a lot of energy and very talkative can be oppressive. But Thursday is a "Beca's day" as she liked to call it like that because all the girls start their day at 8 a.m or 9 a.m, except Beca which day started at 1 p.m. Which meant, she had her whole morning to chill. Favorite thing to do for her. She would wake up 10 minutes before all the girls would leave to house to say hello and restart the coffee machine for herself. Take her time in bed, listen to every music she wanted without being interrupted, take her time in the shower, to study in peace if she needed. All those kinda things she liked to do, alone.   
Then there were the weekend mornings she adored too. Because every weekend, either Amy was home or either she was awake very early to watch cartoons, so she had the bedroom all to herself pretty much every weekend mornings. So she always liked to take her time waking up and chilling in her room. Her bed was under the window which was under a very big tree, the view was very pretty no matter what weather it was so she liked to lay under the window and admire the view. She would listen to music and wake up slowly. She would check her e-mail, text her parents a little, sometimes take news from her childhood friends, work a little bit and then, wake up fully and go downstairs to join the girls.

The magic trick in all that was that all the girls always believed she was a heavy sleeper so they never tried to wake her up and never discover the trick. That was awesome.

When she moved to New York, that was a whole other think thought.

When the three arrived in New York and discovered fully the apartment they would stay in, Beca quickly understood the trick wouldn't work anymore.

She was sharing her bed with her best friend, Chloe that she adored more than anything. But privacy and peace, when you are a twenty-five-year-old woman are quite essential. Firstly because they didn't have a proper bathroom, it was attached to the kitchen which was quite inconvenient. And secondly, how do you want to get over your five-year-long relationship when you can't bring someone home? That wasn't possible.

But the most inconvenient for Beca wasn't all the privacy thing. I mean, it was but mostly the whole morning thing.

The bedroom was, in fact, the living room so when someone was awake, the whole apartment was aware of it.

That led to a lot of frustrated mornings but after a big heavy fight with Amy and Chloe against Beca, Chloe gently suggests that they could all have an alone time sometimes. After that, Chloe and Beca shouldn't come home before 7 p.m on a Saturday night if they didn't want their eyes violated by some very... nudes scene. Accordingly, it was pizza night for the two. Then Beca and Amy committed to letting the apartment for Chloe the Sunday's afternoon till 5 p.m, even though after a few times, she stopped asking the girls to go out because she didn't want to feel alone, except a few times here and there. And Chloe and Amy had to leave the apartment the Saturday morning, except the day following a night out, to let Beca have her morning. And that, she loved it the most.

She didn't feel guilty, not even a little bit.

It was enjoyable.

She liked spreading on the mattress, taking all the space, waking up without putting pants on, singing along the radio while preparing breakfast, eating in bed without Chloe reprimanding her for it, watching whatever show she wanted to.

She liked opening the window and letting the morning air of Manhattan and letting herself enjoy her morning.

That was her thing, she was a morning person.

But then, that morning routine changed a little bit, again.

Because her mornings routine, for now, was because she was single. Since Jesse, she didn't really felt like going out and meeting new people, she tried but she didn't like it. She wanted time to adjust and understand what was going on. That thinking led to a lot of unexpected thinking because she had been the one who broke up. She wasn't feeling enough but at the same time, too much. What she understood during that thinking was that she wasn't feeling for the right person. She wasn't feeling enough for Jesse, but too much for Chloe.

That has been very unexpected.

She got the idea that maybe Jesse wasn't the one for her after all. She had loved him, a lot. But in the end, not enough and mostly not as a boyfriend. On the other hand, she had that girl she had followed at the other end of the country from where she was supposed to go, just because that one asked her to. Who she would wake up to, spend her whole day with and go to bed with. The girl she would feel so much for, and she wasn't supposed to. Because it was just friendship. She was feeling too much for a supposed best friend.

That led to another frustrated Beca, after that.

But the good about Chloe was that she was good at reading people, and after a few years of training, even more at reading Beca.

During a pizza night out, the two were walking home and the redhead was pushing way too much because Beca had been weird for a few weeks now and she had enough. Beca couldn't hold it, she blurted out without thinking.

That changed a little her morning routine.

Because that clumsy event led to a lot more than what she expected.

Because Chloe was madly in love for Beca. (Though, she didn't say it, not yet.)

It has been a little more than a month now that they were together.

Nothing has changed so much between the two, except the kissing part and a little more.

Though, there is the morning part that changed for Beca, a lot.

She expected to be a little... annoyed by it.

Dating your best friend and roommate, she was pretty afraid of doing something bad or maybe feeling a little oppressed by the situation. Lacking a few alone time and feeling too much, going too fast.

Though, when Beca wakes up on a Saturday's morning, curled up next to Chloe whose laying on her chest spreading on the mattress taking all the place, she realizes she doesn't really care that much. Because she can admire all the freckles on her back thanks to the sheets that only cover the bottom of her body. Amy is out for the weekend so they don't really care about all the naked part. Even tho, she takes all the mattress, Beca has an excuse to lay close to her, even tho she doesn't really need one. Chloe is snoring softly bearably audible, it is soft and cute, Beca likes it. Somehow, it could replace her usual morning playlist. She doesn't want to get up and start the coffee machine, even less to open the window like she usually does. She doesn't really want to do anything but stay here.

Last night, they were way too busy to shut the curtains down, the rising sun is lightly coloring the room. A few sunrays are coloring her skin and it is absolutely outstanding. Her face is half covered by her fiery red hair, and when she gently remove her hair from her hair, a pair of baby blue eyes look at her tiredly, a soft smile dancing on her face.

"Hi you", she whispers.

After all, maybe she prefers that kind of morning. 


	10. 6 000 miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tell me what u think

  
_hey guys, whatcha doin? just wanted to know,_  
_everybody is in town, right? i have a little_  
_announcement to make. so what do u thing_  
_of a nice girls night ?_

-

That the last message they had al received from Chloe. After that text on the Bellas group chat, they all had met up at Chloe's. They enjoyed their night together, as a family. When Stacie had brought up the subject asking what was the announcement. _God, they all had hated that._ Because, when Stacie had asked that, Chloe had been suddenly very nervous. She couldn't look at them. Neither had said a word. But when Aubrey had placed a hand on her arm and asked nicely what was happening, the redhead had tried, as gently as possible, to tell the news. She had found her career. She had found what she wanted to do. She was ready. She wanted it. She was going to be a _soldier_.

There had been misunderstanding over that. There had been tears. They all had been chocked at first. But then, Emily started crying softly, getting the news. Aubrey couldn't believe her ears, thinking it was a joke. The rising silence in the room was suffocating suddenly.

The sweet, caring, lovely, innocent Chloe Beale wanted to join the army.

That couldn't be it.

It couldn't be possible.

After a long talk, she had explained her choice. After her brother's death, she had been in contact with Lola, a nice girl from his department, and they had talked a lot. She had told her all about the fact that her brother was one of the best. He was brave. He was courageous. He was fierce. He was strong. He was loyal. He was everything Chloe wanted to be. She always had been impressed and admiring of the person he was. So Chloe was going to be just like him.

Maybe it was irrational, but she had to try. For him. _Just for him_.

The redhead didn't really let them the choice, she just informed them that, that would be the last time she would see all of them because she was leaving in two days.

At that, all the reactions were different. Emily had to stand up from her spot and clench to Chloe like she was an anchor. Aubrey had yelled to her, telling her she was unconscious to do that, and she cried. At lot. Amy didn't even try to make a joke, she just took her hand and cried silently. Flo had cried silently watching Chloe in chock. Jessica had been holding Ashley. Cynthia-Rose had yelled at her. Stacie had been pacing around the room, incoherent words coming out of her mouth. Beca had stared, tears in her eyes, unable to form any words.

It had been three months ago.

Three long fucking months ago.

And no news, at all.

After all, they all tried as best as they could, to understand her choice. They all had sent her a text, saying how proud they were of her. How brave she was. How honored they were to be able to call Chloe a friend. _Even Aubrey._

But there was one who hadn't been able to do that: Beca. She was proud of Chloe, of course. Chloe had found her path, she was following it, and it was great. She was doing something that would make her happy. It was good.

But Beca missed Chloe like _fucking_ hell.

She missed her best friend.

Four nights ago, she had cried herself to sleep over a silly thing. She was coming home from a night out with her co-workers. It was the beginning of Christmas season, so New York was embellished with all the most beautiful thing you could find. The trees were all decorated with some nice light garland. The window shop had some cute, silly or breath-taking animations. The city was beautiful, it was heartwarming even for Beca, who wasn't fond of Christmas. Every year, she tried a little harder to like Christmas. But then, she walked by an old bakery. They had decorated the inside of the shop with cute little elf and a huge teddy bear dressed like Santa. It was wearing a beany and a scarf, with a huge candy cane in his paw. They had let a few lights on to let the people enjoyed the scene. It was not much, but it was overly-cute. _Chloe would love it._ It was simple and soft. And the tears had been rolling on her cheek without the brunette noticing it.

A week after that, Aubrey had suggested to Beca over coffee, she could write her a letter.

Aubrey and Beca had become good friends when the blonde moved in New York. Beca had, finally, broke the strict bitchy attitude and found the beautiful caring person Aubret was. And Aubrey learned that the brunette wasn't a rebel, she just protected herself in her own way - just like her - and she was a very loving person.

The blonde didn't need words, she knew the brunette had some trouble with all that.

 _"...I just think, she just doesn't get it, but it is fine. If it is her decision,_  
_I get it_.... _I just wish she would_  
_understand..."_

Were Chloe's words during her very short phone call with the blonde.

The idea has been on Beca's head for a few days before she had found an old picture of them.

It was a picture they took when they had moved in New York, just a few days after. Beca was laying on the bed and Chloe wanted to take a picture _for a memory._ But Beca had the idea to annoy gently Chloe, so at first, she had refused to stand up. Then, when Chloe had laid on the bed, Beca refused to smile. So Chloe had started singing loudly because she knew the neighbor would start yelling at her and that would make Beca laugh. Mission accomplished because not even a minute after that, the neighbor was yelling at her to shut up and that made Beca laughed so loudly. So you could on the picture, Chloe smiling broadly at her accomplishment, and Beca laughing hard. She hated that picture at first, but when Chloe brought the developing picture one night claiming it was her favorite of all time. She kinda got used to it. Maybe even liked it. Just a little bit. She was happy in this picture.

Dear Chloe,  
Aubrey had suggested I should write you a letter, so here it is.  
The weather is pretty cold in New York. Even more the nights.  
I don't really know what to say, but I miss you a lot. So  
fucking much.  
I have seen a cute teddy bear in a shop window, you would  
have loved it so much.  
I don't know if you can listen to music where you are  
but I can't stop listening to "I'm Gonna be", thinking about you.  
I just wish you were there.  
Sometimes, it hurts how much I miss you.  
I hope you are safe.  
Wherever you are, just know that I think of you.  
Love, Becs.

She had sent that letter a week ago now. She wasn't expecting an answer, she didn't even know if she got the letter. But still, Beca was pretty sad on Christmas eve, and well.. .she hated it.

Sheila and her dad were celebrating Christmas in Hawai because she wasn't fond of the cold weather. Her mom had asked her if she wanted to fly to San Francisco to celebrate but thanks to work, she couldn't. Her co-workers had invited her to nice parties but she wasn't very keen on that. And all the Bellas were visiting their families. So here she was.

Even though she was alone, she had decided to treat herself right, so she made dinner and bought an expensive wine for her and a lot of chocolate. Because, it was the season, right?

She was enjoying an old episode from Dr.House when a loud knock on her door got heard. Standing up slowly from her couch, she thought it was her neighbor  
asking her to turn down the son of her TV, again even if it was so fucking low. _That man was a psycho._

But when she opened her door, it wasn't her neighbor, it was Chloe Beale in a military coat with a big teddy bear in her arms.

"Hey you" she breathed out with a soft smile.

She didn't think it twice before launching herself in Chloe's arms, unable to hold back the sobs shaking her body.

"Are you really here?" she chocked out.

"Yeah, yeah I am."

They had stayed like that during five goods minutes, just enjoying to be finally back to each other. Back to them.  
When Beca pulled out a little bit, just to see the woman's face that has been haunting her days and nights.

"I had this great speech that I prepared in the plane, all about I missed you and stuff and... I got your letter Beca, and... I don't know how to say it but... I was at more than 6 000 miles from you and all I could think about was you. Only you. They asked me if I wanted to go home for Christmas, all I could think was you. So maybe I am doing a big mistake, that will ruin the most beautiful friendship I have, but... I want you to be the woman I go home to. I want...- I want you Beca."

The kiss after that was the sweetest kiss Beca has ever experienced in her life. Beca had her arms around Chloe's neck, and the redhead was holding her firmly with her two arms around her waist. She felt safe and home in this embrace like she didn't know she would feel like that. It was more than anything, warming that a hot chocolate after a cold day. Safer than a locked door after a late walk home. Sweeter than cherry pie after a bad day. That kiss was perfect because it was right. _She was home._

Pulling out from the kiss, Beca noticed the soft intruder still hold by Chloe.

"What is that?"

"It is a teddy bear, I found it in the airport and it was so cute."

That made Beca laughed softly true the tears still in her eyes. "God, I am so happy you're home."


	11. kiss me like the end is coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is love and a mushy chapter on a silver plate
> 
> \--- tell me what you think ---
> 
> the next one is going to be completely different, a little more sexy and daring, tell me if you are interested

Chloe likes kissing.

She is a kissing-person, _very much_ you could say.

She likes all kind of kisses, with pretty much everyone. She likes them on all kind, and she is good at it. Because she knows the effect of a good kiss can have. A kiss has a lot of power depends on how you do it. It can show love, security, insurance, needs. Chloe is more fond of the last kind of kiss. The kind that turns you on badly and as a good kisser, she knows how to turn on someone with a kiss. Just a simple kiss.

With Tom, she liked them because it was easy, primal, rough and sexy. They started dating at the beginning of College and Lord knows, he knows how to push the right buttons. Feelings were never really a thing between the two, they knew it. It was more primal, maybe just for sex. But she liked it, she was satisfied with him. They are the sexiest when they kiss drunk, _at least that's what Chloe feels_. He likes to push her against a wall and to claim, in a way, that she is hers for the moment. And Chloe knows exactly how to respond to that, to the moment her feet start to elevate from the ground because he holds her by the waist, one leg between hers, and his other hand fisting her hair. Chloe's never gonna deny it, she likes a little roughness, it is sexy. That's what she likes with Tom, right to the point and that's what they like. It's needed.

With Stacie, it is a little different.The two have known each other since middle high school, but became really close in College. That's when they really started to experience and loosen up a little bit. At some wild college party, she had experienced some _very sexy_ make out with Stacie when the two didn't find the one to spend the night with. She is not going to complain, though. Because making out with Stacie is kinda thing in its own kind. Because, Stacie is a very good kisser. It is playful and a little... frustrating we may say. Yeah, because as a woman the tall brunette knows exactly what a woman wants, needs and likes. At the beginning, the kiss is way too slow, because she likes to have the redhead wanting more. Then when she feels the redhead ready, she lets her chasing after her, she pulls back a little when Chloe deepens the kiss. But Chloe loves it, because it is funny and charming. And then, after a moment, Stacie makes her head spin because she likes to completely claim her mouth. Generally, Chloe is very turned on after those make outs. _Very_. - Once, they gave in to the temptation. -

With Karin, a girl she met in Russian class and dated for a while, it was different. Not in a bad way, though. It was sweeter, a little shier. She didn't give everything away, at first. She liked to be gentle and slow. It was sweet. Karin liked the stolen kisses between classes and the slow make outs in bed. Gentles touches and brushes. She acted like a true gentlewoman, holding her the waist carefully, sometimes her hand would find her place gently on her cheek to hold her head. it was sweet and slow, and Chloe loved it.

But then, her perception of the kissing part became a little different when she started dating Beca.

Because kissing Beca is way different that she had ever experienced. Maybe because, Beca is the first one that she feels more than just attraction, but still it is different. They started dating - secretly - when they moved to New York together with Amy. It has been a little less than a year now, and those kisses she loves the most are the Sunday morning kisses. It is those mornings where they have the apartment all of themselves because Amy has been out for the night. So they take the time to wake up and chill.

It is Beca who gets out of bed first because she is the masterpiece at making coffee and well, against what you might think, Chloe is a slow person during the morning. She likes to take her time in bed, she likes to sit at the end of the bed and watch Beca doing her thing. But the part she prefers the most is when Beca joins her back in bed. She is very well aware of the things that drive you crazy, how to push the right buttons at the right moments. Because, with her, you discovered all those new things about you, what you like. You like it when she gives in and let you take control. You like it when she shows you that you are the one for her. Kissing you for Beca is like playing the violin, and it is funny because, even if she gives you control of it all, she is still the one who drives you crazy.

She knows that you love it when she sits on your lap, straddle your lap so she takes time to do it. Looking at you right in the eye, right back at your soul. She has that soft smile on her face that gives in all the love, cares and affection she has for you. She likes the effect on you when she pulls back a little bit, letting you chase after her. She is well aware of the effect her hands have when they play with your baby hair at the back of your neck, and her soft smile transforms in a slow smirk when your eyes flutter. You let your hands wander on her bare thighs and the soft hum you get in return is priceless. She takes all control of the kiss with the slow but distinct move of her head. It is slow, sensual, raving. And just like that, she rolls her hips slowly and your head starts to spin, but you don't want it to end. Never. Sometimes, she changes the angle of her head, and between kisses she whispers tender words, she gives you the world, the moon and every star in the universe. She gives you her heart in those tender moments. Because she is yours, she has told you that before. And just like that, she whispers the first ' _I love you_ '.

Once your mother has told you that _love is like a wound to the head. It makes you dizzy, you think you're going to die but you end up healing_ when you had your first heartbreak. You thought it was stupid to feel so hurt when you were supposed to feel the most beautiful feeling on earth. For a long time in your life, you feared that you wouldn't be able to be like your parents. To find your true love, be happy ever after. You dreamt, as a little girl, of the whole kingdom and the prince charming at your door. But the heartbreaks and all made you lose faith. You feared that you wouldn't be good enough for anyone. Just like she believed she wouldn't be. You are two cursed people with their flaws, fears, and weakness. You have learned that a lot of things are curable with tenderness. But you only feel like you in her arms when she looks at you like that. With those three simple words, you feel whole again.

_True love kiss will break any curse._

_'I love you too.'_


End file.
